There is a silent weariness in the everyday lives of modern women. One that does not show on smiling faces, that cannot be heard in confident voices, but that weighs, day after day, like an invisible mist. It has a name, one that research has finally come to recognise: the mental load.
What if the way back to calm lay in the simplest, most primal, most human thing we have? Touch.
The mental load: the guest who never leaves
The mental load is that endless list running on a loop in your head. The children’s medical appointments, tomorrow’s meeting, the fridge to fill, the birthday not to forget, the urgent file, the washing to put on, the message to answer. It is thinking of everything, all the time, even when you are doing nothing.
Studies confirm it: women still carry most of this invisible load today. Even in the most equal couples, even when the chores are shared, it is often the woman who plans, anticipates, organises. The body may rest; the mind never truly stops.
This constant hypervigilance comes at a price. Chronic stress, sleep problems, irritability — and above all, a gradual disconnection from your own body. When the mind is always elsewhere, in a future to prepare or a past to go over again and again, the present — and the sensations it offers — slips out of reach.
The mental load deserves a pause all of its own: I have devoted an entire article to it, when the body refuses to switch off.
The forgotten body
How many women realise that they spend whole days without truly inhabiting their body?
We feed it, dress it, carry it from one place to the next. But feel it? Listen to it? Notice its breathing, the warmth of its skin, the suppleness of its muscles? Such moments of attention grow rare, kept for exercise classes (when there is time) or for naps stolen at the weekend.
The body becomes a functional tool, an efficient vehicle for getting through every task of the day. We forget that it is also a territory of sensations, pleasures, emotions. We forget that it knows things the head does not.
This dissociation is not without consequences. Many women describe a kind of sensory numbness: less desire, less pleasure, less appetite for anything. Not that something is “broken” — simply that the channel has closed, little by little, for lack of attention.
Touch: a physiological need
We often underestimate how deeply touch is a fundamental need. It is not a whim, nor a luxury for the fragile: it is a biological necessity.
Oxytocin, the bonding hormone
When we are touched with care, our body releases oxytocin, often called the “attachment hormone” or the “cuddle hormone”. This molecule accompanies what we feel when we know we are safe:
- stress receding
- feelings of trust and safety
- a calm that often makes it easier to fall asleep
The lack of touch has a name of its own: “skin hunger”. Researchers link it with loneliness, stress and a darker mood. No study makes massage a remedy, but the need itself is very real.
Beyond everyday hugs
Of course, daily life offers us some touch: a partner’s embrace, a child’s kiss, a friend’s handshake. But these contacts, however precious, are often brief and automatic. They are not always enough to feed that deeper need.
A sensual massage offers something different: touch that is prolonged, attentive, intentional. For an hour or more, the body becomes the centre of attention once again. Every inch of skin is honoured. At last, the oxytocin can flow freely.
Reclaiming your body
For many women, a sensual massage marks the beginning of a reconciliation with their own body.
After motherhood
Pregnancy and childbirth transform the body profoundly. For months, sometimes years, that body has been in the service of another being. Breasts for feeding, arms for carrying, a belly redrawn. Many young mothers describe a kind of dispossession: their body no longer quite belongs to them.
A sensual massage can be a way of reclaiming that territory. Of rediscovering that this body is also made for pleasure, for sensations that feel good — and not only for its role as a mother.
After a breakup or a difficult time
A separation, a bereavement, a period of burnout: such ordeals leave traces in the body as much as in the mind. Accumulated tension, “frozen” areas, a difficulty in letting go.
Caring touch can help untie those knots and reopen doors that had closed. It is not unusual for buried emotions to surface during a session — tears, laughter, a breath that finally comes free. The body remembers, and touch helps it let go.
Screens off, senses awake
We live in a world of constant stimulation. Screens, notifications, an unbroken stream of information. Our attention is claimed at every moment, splintered into a thousand pieces. Paradoxically, this digital hyperconnection disconnects us from what matters most: our immediate sensations.
A sensual massage imposes what modern life refuses: total disconnection. No phone, no screen, no to-do list. Only a body lying down, hands that brush the skin, and an invitation to do nothing but feel.
For many women, it is the first time in months — sometimes years — that they have allowed themselves such a pause. The ultimate luxury is not the elegant setting or the precious oils: it is time stolen from urgency, time given back to the body.
Allowing yourself pleasure, without guilt
Our culture harbours a deep resistance to the idea that a woman might seek pleasure for herself. Pleasure must always be justified: it rewards an effort, accompanies a relationship, serves a purpose. Pleasure for its own sake, with no aim beyond itself? That is suspect.
And yet this guilt rests on nothing solid. Sensory pleasure is a natural right, an expression of our humanity. Treating yourself to a sensual massage is a way of saying: “I deserve to be cared for. My wellbeing matters. My body is worth celebrating.”
An invitation to reconnect
There are many paths to women’s fulfilment. A sensual massage is one of them — not the only one, but a powerful and direct one.
At Escale de Soie, between Aix-les-Bains and Chambéry, I welcome women who have decided to put themselves back at the centre. Tired women, curious women, women in search of something they sometimes struggle to name. And often, that something begins with touch.
If you feel the pull of this return to yourself, contact me on +33 7 43 54 47 87 — in English, if you prefer. Without judgement, with kindness, I will be there.